


And I’ll Watch

by kchktaicho



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, F/M, Unrequited Love, canonverse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-12
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-20 12:06:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 793
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30004632
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kchktaicho/pseuds/kchktaicho
Summary: A post canon conversation between Mikasa and Jean, set 4 years after the current events. This dialogue takes heavily inspiration from Laurie and Jo’s confession scene in Little Women
Relationships: Mikasa Ackerman/Jean Kirstein
Comments: 1
Kudos: 10





	And I’ll Watch

Jeankasa Fanfiction

Advertising: this one shot heavily takes inspiration from Jo and Laurie’s dialogue (Little Women)

Disclaimer: I do not own Attack on Titan and its characters 

Angst, unrequited love, canonverse

It was Eren’s death anniversary that day.  
Jean decided to accompany Mikasa at his grave, trying to offer some moral support.   
Already four years had passed. Seems like ages ago, Jean thought. 

They brought him flowers and stayed there for a while, in silence.

Mikasa opened up way more in the last two years, she was much more talkative and friendly than when she was younger, but in front of his grave, oh, the silence was deadly. 

At sudden Mikasa stood up: the moment to leave was arrived. 

Jean looked at her in the eyes and saw her pain: four years, but she still cared about him. She still hadn’t move on. Not yet. 

It was so frustrating to watch. Even dead, he still had some kind of influence on her. 

Jean couldn’t go on like this. He had to do something. Even if it would have probably broke the precious friendship they formed through the years.

“You don’t have to be alone, Mikasa...”

Mikasa freezed. She knew about what was coming. She didn’t want to hear those words. She didn’t want to hurt him. 

“Jean, please...”

“It’s no use Mikasa, we have to got it up! Mikasa I’ve loved you ever since I saw you, I couldn’t help it. I didn’t say anything for all these years but I must make you hear now and give an answer because I cannot go on like this any longer!”

His pained expression was too much to handle. 

“Jean...”

“For all this time I’ve never pushed you, I’ve always left you all the space you needed, never expected anything from you, which is fine, i’m happy I did it. I waited and I never complained because...‘cause I’ve figured you’d fall for me one day but I realized it was all worthless, cause I’ll never be him...”

Mikasa was shocked.  
She couldn’t believe he said that. 

“You don’t need to be him, Jean! You’re a great man, you’re kind, gentle, a great leader and friend and I just... I just don’t see why I can’t love you as you want me to, I don’t know why”

She was on the verge of tears now.

“You can’t?”

“No, I can’t, I can’t change how I feel and it would be a lie to say I do when I don’t... I’m so sorry Jean. I’m sorry but I just can’t help it.”

She really wished she could love him.

“Mikasa, I don’t think you understand: I can’t love anyone else but you. Listen... let’s just try.”

Mikasa shook her head.

“It would be a disaster. I am a disaster.”

Jean came closer and put his hands on Mikasa’s shoulders, looking directly in her eyes.

“We’ll never know unless we try. Don’t you think we deserve some happiness after all we’ve been thorough?!”

“I wish I could, Jean, but I can’t do this to you. You deserve better than this. Than me.”

“Why does everyone expected it then? Why does Armin expects this? Why does Captain Levi expects it? Just... just say yes and let’s be happy together.”

Mikasa took one step way from him.

“Stop it Jean. I can’t say yes sincerely so I’m not gonna yes at all. One day you’ll thank me for it.”

“I would rather hang myself than realize this” he whispered.

“Jean…”

“I would have rather died out there…”

What did he just say?!

“Don’t you dare say something like that! Listen… “ she took his hands in hers “Someday you’ll find some lovely and beautiful woman who will love you the way you want and deserve. Something I could never. Look at me: I have nothing to offer…”

“You would be perfect Mikasa”

“…I am broken…”

“I love you Mikasa”

“…we would be unhappy…”

“I love you Mikasa” 

“…and we would quarrel because we can’t help it even now… we would ruin what’s between us now and we’d wish we hadn’t done it.”

She finally looked at him.

There was no light in his eyes: just a lost expression.

She was hating what she was seeing, especially because she was the cause of it.

“Is anything more?” 

“No, nothing more”

“Allright”

Jean was heading back to town when Mikasa called him. 

He immediately turned where he was standing before. 

“Except that… Jean I don’t believe I’ll ever love again… I am happy as I am right now.”

“I think you’re wrong about that Mikasa”

“No…”

“I think someday you’ll find someone and love them and you’ll live and die for them because that’s your way and your will. And I’ll watch.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you very much readers!


End file.
